O Romeo
by jc-1225
Summary: South Park High is preforming a play, Romeo and Juliet. But there are some complications with the characters. How will these love relationships pan out? RR
1. Chapter 1

O Romeo

Summary: High school play, Romeo and Juliet. Juliet doesn't love Romeo, Tybalt doesn't want to fight Mercutio, and Capulet isn't supposed to die.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or Romeo and Juliet, thank you.

Chapter one.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" Wendy stood up on the makeshift balcony reciting her lines to her Romeo.

"Uh, er, um," Romeo couldn't remember his lines.

"Cut! That's enough practice for today kids," the drama teacher sighed.

"Cartman, you and I need to go over our lines a bit more."

"Why, bitch?" Cartman asked.

"Because," Wendy answered, ignoring the insult. "When your part comes you can never remember your lines. You can remember for other scenes, just not the ones that you do with me. I really think that Kyle should—"

"I'm going to be Romeo!" Cartman protested. _Ever since the Oreos, Wendy, ever since the Oreos._

"Alright, alright, but practice your lines." Wendy sighed and walked off.

Standing to the side were Kyle, Stan, and Bebe. "How the hell did Cartman get to play the part of Romeo?"

"I don't know," Bebe said while filing her nails, barely looking at any of them.

"Just get over her, Stan. It would be better for your health," Kyle told his best friend. _There is another reason why you should forget her, Stan,_ he sighed inwardly to himself. _How many times have you told me you love her? As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth._

"I know, Kyle, but it's hard," Stan looked down at his feet instead of over at his friend.

Bebe walked over to Wendy and they began their girl gossip that no boy will truly ever understand. Cartman, however, joined Kyle and Stan.

"What do you want, fatass?" Kyle asked as Cartman approached.

"Don't call me a fatass, you fricken Jew!" Cartman retorted. "Just because you're jealous of me doesn't mean you have to be rude."

"I'm not jealous. Stan is!" Kyle protested.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go find Kenny."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Stan asked Cartman as he walked away.

"Because you're both fags and you're boring me."

"Whatever, Cartman." Kyle looked down at Stan's hand. He knew that Stan wasn't gay, but he sure as hell wished he was. He sighed.

"What?" Stan asked.

"Uh, nothing."

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Wendy and Bebe were walking around in the mall and talking about pretty much everything imaginable and then Wendy brought up the play. "So how far along are you on memorizing your lines?"

"Oh, it's so hard. I just can't concentrate. I've been thinking about Kenny McCormick." Bebe answered, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well, Lady Capulet isn't that hard and what about Kenny?"

"Oh, he's just so hot, ya know?" Bebe looked over at Wendy. From Wendy's expression it didn't seem that she was interested in Kenny.

"No, actually, Kyle Broflovski is way cuter than Kenny," Wendy argued.

"At least Kyle is better than Stan Marsh!" Bebe remarked, remembering a few previous experiences that Wendy'd had with Stan.

"Yeah, you're right. And you know, I told Cartman that maybe Kyle should play as Romeo and he blew up at me about it. It's like Eric is determined or something." Wendy laughed.

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"Kenny, I've been looking for you."

Muffled noises came from the place where Kenny's mouth was supposed to be. "Why me? What is it now, Cartman?"

"Kyle and Stan are fags. Whether they'll admit it or not. They're still fags. The Jew claims that Stan is jealous of my part as Romeo. And there is no one else I can hang with. Well, there is but they all hate me for some reason or another," Cartman sat down on Kenny's bed.

Kenny rolled his eyes. More muffled sounds. Every time he spoke, it was like this, unless he took off his parka, which he rarely did. If he did take it off though, Cartman wasn't there usually. "I wonder why."

"So, you weren't at practice today. You just ditched us, didn't you? Where would a poor piece of crap like you go that could be better than watching me screw up on my lines again?" Cartman snorted, remembering how Kenny and the others had laughed at him when he forgot his lines.

"Capulet doesn't have lines in that scene. What would be the point of me going if I'm not in the scene?"

"Bebe, Kyle, and Stan were there," Cartman was bored. He had nothing better to do then to bug Kenny.

"Alright, fine. I got hit by a truck."

"You've gotta play you're part, Kenny! Capulet doesn't get hit by a truck! Capulet isn't supposed to die!" Cartman yelled at Kenny and when he stopped, he was grinning. "Ya know, that stupid bitch, Wendy, wanted to give my part away to Kyle. But I told her no. I'm not letting her give my part to a Jew! I wanna be with Juliet!"

Kenny sat up on his bed. "You like Wendy? Wow I never thought that Eric Cartman could ever like a girl."

"No!" Cartman shot back. "I most certainly do not like Wendy!" _Eric, you know you're lying._

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**In case the circle is a bit confusing, let me help. Eric Cartman likes Wendy Testaburger, Wendy, however, likes Kyle Broflovski, Kyle likes Stan Marsh, and Stan likes Wendy. But now how will this all pan out, you ask? Keep reading and find out.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kyle awoke to a tapping at his bedroom window. He looked over at the clock, two in the morning. He sighed and got up to open his window for Stan.

"Stan, have you been thinking again?" Kyle sat down on his bed and Stan sat next to him. "Dude, you really need to let that go. You could have so much better than her right now, if you'd give it up."

"I couldn't sleep. I didn't know who else to go to. I can't trust Cartman and I doubt I could trust Kenny. I don't know Tweek and Butters enough to trust them with this kind of stuff. I."

"Figured as much. But why didn't you just call me?" He pointed towards the phone that was next to his bed.

"Didn't want to wake your mom."

"But you had no problem waking me up." Even though Kyle was tired and a bit irritated, he couldn't help but smile because Stan was there.

Stan smiled. "I was thinking about how Wendy--" Stan stopped because he noticed that Kyle had grabbed his hand.

Kyle let go. "I'm sorry, you just seem…" he let his eyes wander a bit, afraid of Stan's reaction. "Vulnerable."

"Kyle?" Stan asked, looking in his eyes. "Are you gay…for me?" Kyle waited a second before answering a weak sort of 'yes.' "I'm, I'm not that way, man. I'm sorry."

"I know, I keep telling myself that." He stared down at the plaid stripes of his boxers.

"I should probably go. I'm sorry that I bothered you."

Stan climbed out the window and Kyle closed it before getting back in bed. "God, Kyle," he told himself. "How stupid are you? Gay guys can't fall for straight ones, especially their best friend." He sighed and went to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Kyle, can I talk to you?"

"Uh, sure," Kyle turned and walked away from Cartman and Kenny for a moment. "What is it, Wendy?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I like you." Wendy looked into his face with hope but the expression she saw only brought her disappointment.

"Wendy, I'm sorry. I'm gay."

"You like Stan, huh?" Kyle nodded. "Does he know?"

"He found out this morning. I guess that's why he's not here. I didn't see him at lunch either." He looked to Wendy to see if she'd seen him.

She decided to answer to get her mind off of what he'd said a few seconds before. "He was in English today. I didn't ask if he was coming to drama practice. I only assumed he would." She shrugged.

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"Mom, aren't gonna get the door?"

"Stan, can you get it for me please?"

Stan sighed and removed himself from his comfortable spot on the couch and opened the door. "Oh, hey, Kyle." He tried his best to sound as though he was comfortable in his friend's presence. He opened the door further so that Kyle could step in but he chose not to.

"I shouldn't stay long. I was just coming to ask you why you weren't at practice today. Wendy said she saw you in English. So we know you were at school. And where did you go at lunch?"

"I went home after English, I felt sick. I'm feeling better now though," Stan lied. He was avoiding Kyle all day but this he couldn't avoid. Evading Kyle was easy at school because they had no classes together but at home, there was no dodging that could be done.

"Okay, well I hope to see you at school tomorrow. Later, Stan."

Stan closed the door behind him and sat back down on the couch in front of the TV. "Is anything wrong, Stan?" his mom called from the kitchen.

"No, mom, everything is fine."

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"No, no, it's 'and Juliet is the sun,'" Wendy said a bit irritated.

"That's what I said, 'and Juliet is a ho.'"

Wendy sighed. "Cartman, this is hopeless. Everything with you is hopeless."

"Not everything is hopeless, Wendy. Almost everything is hopeless, but not everything. You haven't kissed me yet, ho." Wendy made a face. "You wanna try me, bitch?"

She laughed, "No, not really. That's why I thought Kyle should be Romeo. I've seen him kiss girls." Wendy knew that Kyle doesn't kiss girls because he is gay but she just wanted to see Cartman's reaction. She'd never really seen Kyle with anybody.

"Are you saying that I'm a fag, ho?" He glared at her. "Why would you wanna kiss a fag Jew? Stupid bitch." _I'll show her. I'll memorize my lines and give that ho a kiss she could never get from a fag._

"I'm not saying anything." Wendy walked away laughing.

Cartman stared after her, frowning at her back. He was determined to show her that he could be Romeo.

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	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Stan knocked on Kyle's bedroom door. He didn't want to walk in the room if Kyle was in his boxers, it might distract him from his purpose. "Kyle, it's Stan." When Kyle made no reply, Stan turned the knob and the door opened. "Kyle, I came here to apologize to you."

He was sitting on his bed. "For what?" Stan walked over and sat beside him.

"The other night and when I came here at two in the morning. And also for not realizing." Kyle looked at him with a puzzled expression as to what it was that Stan was talking about. Stan continued, "Every time I think of you, in my mind's eye, I see you in your boxers." He paused again to take a breath before taking the plunge. "Shit, Kyle. I'm gay. I never realized before that the reason that I want to be with you is not because you're my best friend. It is because I do like you, I just didn't realize it. I guess my subconscious just was trying to cover it up with the whole Wendy thing. I never actually thought that either one of us would be gay. I thought that if someone were to be gay it would be Butters." Stan smiled a bit but wouldn't look at Kyle. "Turns out that it was both of us."

"Stan? Do me a favor…?" Stan looked up to see that Kyle was now quite close to him. "Shut up." Stan smiled but what he didn't realize was that Kyle was coming down on him. Stan only noticed when he was laying down on the bed with Kyle's lips pressed against his.

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"Kenny, you are gonna help me memorize my lines or else I'll kill you!" Cartman pointed, when Kenny opened the door.

Kenny shrugged. "You're the one who wanted to be Romeo so badly."

"Ya know what, Kenny? I'm tired of you criticizing me so just shut up!" Cartman glared. "I'm gonna kill you in your sleep, bitch!" Kenny just shrugged and closed the door.

Dying was no big deal to Kenny McCormick. He died practically everyday. Why should he care if Cartman killed him again? Cartman sighed and walked off of the McCormick's front steps.

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It being a Saturday, Wendy and Bebe were at the mall. Bebe picked up a shirt from the rack of clothes she had with her in the dressing room. "Wendy, how do you think this would look on me?"

Wendy ignored her question and said, "Bebe, I'm worried."

"About what?"

"The play. Last I checked, Cartman wasn't doing so well in memorizing his lines. I'm afraid he's gonna screw the whole thing up." Wendy looked to Bebe who was testing her reflection in the mirror, seemingly not paying attention to her friend that was speaking to her.

"Don't worry about Cartman; if he ruins the play, then he ruins the play. Big deal. I don't see why you care so much." Bebe pulled at the shirt a bit. "Do you think I look fat in this?"

"No, you look fine." Wendy frowned. "And maybe you're right. I shouldn't worry about Cartman."

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"Hello, Mr. Tweak," Cartman spoke in a clear, seemingly innocent tone. "Is your son Tweek home?"

"Yeah, Eric. He's in his room. Go ahead inside." Mr. Tweak stepped aside to let Cartman through.

Cartman barged into Tweek's room. "Tweek, you're gonna help me! I need to memorize my lines!"

"Th-that sound like a lot of.." he twitched. "..stress." Tweek's shirt was always buttoned incorrectly and his hair was a mess. He also twitched every once in a while. Okay, a lot.

"I brought you coffee," Cartman offered, handing him the cup. He knew that threats would only freak him out and then he wouldn't do it. Cartman had to get Tweek to help him because if he didn't, he'd never have a chance with Wendy.

"Coffee?" Tweek also had problems about drinking coffee that was why he twitched. "Um, okay. But if it's too much stress, I'm not doing it." He took a sip of the coffee.

Cartman handed Tweek the book. "You can read the lines of everybody except Romeo!" he thought for a moment about how he would feel if Tweek was Juliet. "Let me be Juliet too! I'd rather kiss myself than a spaz!"

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"Kyle, are you sure about this?"

"Well, you're the only who admitted that you're gay." Kyle flashed a smile.

"I know, but what I mean is, won't you're parents send you off to Jew camp or something?" Stan asked, a bit worried.

"I wasn't talking about telling our parents! God, no!" Kyle laughed. "How's this, we won't really _tell_ anyone." Stan wasn't sure what he meant until Kyle grabbed his hand. Kyle pulled Stan out of his house and they began walking, hand in hand, down the street.

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Cartman heard a knock at the door. "Mom, get the fricken door!" When there was no reply, he was forced to get up and open the door himself, only to see Kyle and Stan in the doorway. "What do you homos want?" Cartman shifted his gaze downward a bit, and then he noticed that they were holding hands. "Ha!" Cartman laughed. "I always knew you guys were fags!"

"What are you doing, fatass?" Kyle asked.

"Um, nothing." He was hiding the Romeo and Juliet book behind his back. He couldn't let them know that he was studying.

Stan caught a glimpse of the book and asked, "How are your lines coming?"

"Why do you care? Your boyfriend's a Jew!" It was the only thing he could come up with. "Look, I don't have time to deal with you bitches." Cartman shut the door in their faces and sat back down on the couch. He continued his practicing, "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun…"

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**The play shall be soon! xD**


	4. Chapter 4 LAST

Chapter 4

The day of the performance, Cartman held up the rehearsal. So, since his talking went on and on, the director only wanted to do the scenes with Romeo. But the scenes where Romeo and Juliet kissed were skipped over because of time.

And come time the performance, Wendy was nervous about looking bad, Kenny had to go to the bathroom, Kyle didn't want to hurt Stan when he poked him with his fake sword.

The director told Kenny to hurry on his bathroom trip. But five minutes later, no one had seen Kenny come out. Kyle was told to go check on him. Blood and shit were everywhere. Kyle didn't dare go into the stall, he just ran out screaming, "Oh my God, it killed Kenny!"

"Who?" Stan asked.

"Shit."

"Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that shit killed Kenny?" Stan said, looking puzzled.

"Yep."

Stan shrugged. "Oh well."

"Oh well!" Bebe broke down into tears.

"Who am I going to get to play Capulet now?" The director looked a bit stressed. "I don't have an understudy!" He looked around the stage. "Leopold Stotch! You will be Capulet!"

Butters looked at the director. "But, I have to do the—"

"I don't care! You're Capulet!"

"—Curtain," Butters finished.

"I'll do the curtain when you're on, Butters," Stan smiled.

Just then, people started coming in the door and everyone went backstage.

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"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" Cartman asked clearly, staring into Wendy's eyes.

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer," Wendy answered.

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

"Saints do not move, thou grant for prayers' sake," Wendy jingled back.

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take." Cartman leant towards a nervous Wendy and kissed her lips. "Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged."

Wendy found it hard to speak. She'd forgotten her line. Cartman whispered it to her and she repeated it loud enough for everyone else to hear. "Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

"Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again." He kissed her lips once more but Wendy was this time expecting it and knew of her line.

"You kiss by the book."

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"What's here?" Wendy asked, smiling inside for she knew of what was to come. "A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drank all and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips; haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to make die with restorative." Wendy leant down over Cartman's body and kissed his lips. How long she wished she could stay there. But then she soon pulled away. "Thy lips are warm."

The first watchman, Clyde, spoke, "Lead, boy: which way?"

"Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" Wendy picked up the fake knife at Cartman's belt. "This is thy sheath," She, pretending, stabbed herself. "There rust, and let me die." Wendy fell soft onto Cartman. He softly giggled to himself as her head lay on hid chest.

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Afterwards, Wendy walked over to Cartman. "You know, Eric, I'm sorry I doubted you. You're not half bad." She smiled. He smiled back and began to walk away. "Hey, Cartman," he turned. "One more thing," this time she brought on the kiss and it was deeper than before, no act involved.

When they pulled away, Cartman said, "So, you're over that Jew bitch, I see."

"Heh, yeah." He took her hand and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

The play of Romeo and Juliet was beneficial to most everyone, or at least a select few. Eric Cartman and Wendy Testaburger got together because of it, as did Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh. However, the play left Bebe Stevens without Kenny McCormick but it seemed that she was the only one who cared. The director was happy because the play was successful. But I guess, though, that not all endings can be completely content with the way things are. Nonetheless, at least there are some that are happy.


End file.
